Struggle between the today and coming-soon 'tomorrow'

Its a 'milk in the cupboard & sugar in the fridge' kind of a day today. When I sit back and take a break for a while,  I think on how life is and what life has been in the past few years for me..

Drifting away from family and coming to an all new city to pursue future endeavors was a difficult task to do but I've realized that thats exactly what I wanted to do of my life. Dreaming big, aspiring high and making most of my life. And that's how I was ready to take the new course of life in my hands and begin a new journey. Over the past four years theres a lot that has come my way and much more that has gone away..

Being a part of a hostel life, eating untimely, spending almost sleepless nights, sipping coffee after midnight, long drives, and everything in the initial years of a bachelor life was just so happening. And today being at a position like this makes it even more valuable. A non-existent romantic life, a shady job, meeting expenses almost everywhere, managing a home, tolerating unwanted people, abiding by a few decisions and yearning for that something that will make all of this struggle worthwhile.. I think it is perhaps OK to cry out and feel light. If you cannot find a way then atleast you should cry out and feel numb. I've been told by my best friend to sometimes just cry and let it out rather then live with a heavy heart. It is perfect to behave in a certain way if you cannot control the situation by yourself. Not that crying out is as it is gonna change anything but atleast you can feel at ease.

I know for sure that tomorrow when i'll turn back and take a sneak peak into today i'm going to laugh it out loud about the situation i am facing today. I know that tomorrow its going to be all fine and smooth. I am absolutely sure that better days are on its way and i AM going to be at peace soon but the scenario today is taking me over. Restlessness has become my best buddy these days. Things are not going as I plan but things are going abrupt from all ends. Perhaps just to be is what I can do..

I am looking forward be in that 'someday' and take a walk down the memory lane and laugh out thoroughly on today - on the fuck ups that happened, on the miserable situations, various encounters with insanity, on my emotional turbulence, on my search and on almost everything that I can perhaps lay my hands on.

Till then cheers to life!

bouquet of love#44

Today we took our first stroll along the beach,
windy beach, flowing waves touching our feet,
your hands in mine, eyes locked..
and nothing to take up our minds except this moment..
there is not a perfect life
but these perfect moments make it just worthwhile
no end to the beach till eternity
like no end to the wish of being together..
profuse desperateness to stay in the moment forever
to steal every bit of love on this earth
and feel the immense peak of peace & fulfillment..

bouquet of love#43

we may fight, we may shout, we may shower anger

but at the end it would be just two of us to show the right over ever other..

we may meet, we may depart, we may just stay apart

but at the end it would be just two of us to show we are always together..

we may cry, we may laugh, we may just feel insane

but at the end it would be just two of us hugging each other..

we may plan, we may pretend, we may just leap out

but at the end it would be just two of us dreaming together..

we may discuss, we may argue, we may just throw up

but at the end it would be just two of us deciding our future..

we may smile, we may laugh and we may live every moment

coz at the end it is just the two of us being in love with other!!

bouqet of love #42

that one evening..

its still beautiful to me,

i just have to say its soo beautiful to me..

spending our time out

laid back there, it was so great

i think of a 'yes' 

getting closer to you..

something i couldnt deny..

like i just sailed with the flow.

i jus have to say its soo beautiful to me..

still feels good, it still runs deep

when you got closer to me,

it still has goose bumps on my skin

that image still so strong in my mind..

in every way its so much live in me,

as and when i close my eyes

everything i witness and feel

its as fresh as it was the other night..

close ur eyes and see whether u feel the same

i'm sure your version would be similar to mine

but hearing it from you would add more essence

i hope i get to read or hear on that..

i just have to say that its gonna b the closest to me

and its always going to remain as beautiful as it was..

bouquet of love #41

inner musings of a desperate and highly confused,

hopelessly romantic thorough dreamer...

its been ages since i felt this,

the recognition and acknowledgment among

friends and folks, near and dear ones

feeling of being loved and cared

nurtured and pampered..

the boost and confidence growing every moment

the fun and excitement and anxiety and nervousness

this very mixed feeling which makes me float

up and down in an ocean of emotions..

aaah! this very state of unspoken dilemma

and situations never dealt before..

this is just so expected yet unfelt

its been difficult filling the box, 

rather dumping soo much in the box

but at the end it has to be this way

as the angels above are United Angels

and it sure is going to lead me and us

to the right path of unison...

bouquet of love #40

i have been inside

and it is full of hope, happiness, fears, 

surprises, risks and trivias..

what stops you from unfolding the wraps

of layers around your soul?

to confess the feelings within..

and bring in light the passion lying dormant..

today you are tangled in the uncertainities

but you haven't even realised when,

just when did you touch that fragile

and plucked the uncertainty yourself..

you shall now open the box lying right here

and experience all that is there

fears, happiness, saneness, irrationalities,

love, passion and much more..

where i have already been,

and where i will welcome you to my world..

bouquet of love #39

the subsequent effects...

you were a complete stranger to me a fortnight ago

we crossed on the path of life completely unaware

we met for the first time just for the heck of it

we started chatting then to give it a shape

and now that we both stand at the edge,

we feel the subsequent effects..

the thrilling effect to hear your voice,

the fire-in-the-belly effect visualizing our next meet

the love-is-the-air effect missing you every moment

the mind boggling effect feeling the passion in our bodies

the addictive effect of listening to you more and more

the butterfly effect dreaming our future together

nervousness, stuttering, fluttering, tittering...

tingling, mingling, leaning and dreaming..

its all the subsequent effects of wanting to be with you!!

bouquet of love #38

those gentle words like spark of light

illuminates my mind and uplifts my soul

I do not love you like a topaz, 

flaunted in fingers with dazzling glow

I love you like certain dark things to be loved,

in secret between the shadow and the soul..

I love you without knowing how or when or where

i love you straightforwardly with no complexities in expressions

I love you like a perfume that vaporises

but leaves its deep fragrance in and around..

I love you not like an arrow of carnations

that cuts right through the love hearts

I love you like a flowing river, serene and divine in peace

I love you because i know no other way..

I love you as there is soo much more than just love

I would not exist where you wouldn't

It would be so close that my head would rest on you,

and you would fall asleep when my eyes close..

bouquet of love #22

I've searched for you

beyond my reach

beyond the stars, beyond the blissful light,

beyond the sun and beyond the sunny daylight..

I knew for sure that you were there

but I lost by the wink of an eye here or there..

While searching when I felt I couldn't take it anymore

I kept on crying

I also couldn't sit back

So i kept on trying.

I knew for sure that you were there

but I lost by the wink of an eye here or there..

I reminded myself every moment

He is just present somewhere

I didnt let my thoughts ferment

And kept on searching everywhere

I knew for sure that you were there

but I lost by the wink of an eye here or there..

Moment to moment

Place to place

I  tried looking for you

At heart throbbing pace

I knew for sure that you were there

but I lost by the wink of an eye here or there..

He is also thinking of me

I consoles myself

and continued my search

The search for love I was seeking..

I knew for sure that you were there

but I lost by the wink of an eye here or there..

Suddenly one day you stood

Right in front of me

I felt like lost in the woods

With you forever I want to be..

I was overwhelmed with mixed emotions

Dying to call you mine

Came with you a healing

That I am now going to be thine..

Finally it lead me to you

I finally found that someone

True and loving

Caring and nurturing

I knew for sure that you were there

but I lost by the wink of an eye here or there..