A little less chaotic

After all the misunderstandings, heartaches, pain, confusions, confessions, tears, sarcasms, screaming, hauling, shouting, name calling, deafening silences, and then the consolations, it is always good to regain the comfort in a relationship.

Clearing out the air takes a little time. You need to hold on and have the faith and life brings you back your normal self. Be at peace and leave all the logic behind. Afterall after shedding so many calories in all the exercises you go through right from the tip of the issue to the finish line, you definitely need a break. To consume the fresh air and feel fresh and regain the energy to kick start the next day.

Hold on, i'll be better the next time i appear! thanks for reading anyways.. :)

Delicious Ambiguity

I have been living in a world of dreams, personifying & visualizing every detail of how i want my life to be. Its always a fantastic journey to take time off and making a world of your own where you build up everything. Right from the roads to the lamposts to the designer houses that fall your way to the perfect dress and the absolute stunning knight in shining armor everything is just exactly the way you want it to be. Isn't it all fascinating and interesting? Where everything seems to be just PERFECT. 

Reality strikes differently though. There is an ambiguity that prevails in the benignant privacy of your dream world and the real world. Sometimes very tenderly while sometimes very harshly life throws things at you and brings you back to reality. There isn't always a cent percent match between YOUR world and the real world. There may exist a gap that swipes the ground off your feet. Positive gap as well as negative gap. If its a positive one you end up being happier than your imagination while the negative one definitely teaches you important lessons in life. 

No human being is exempt of facing such trivia in life. In a similar fashion, the highs and lows of this difference between the reality and the dream world has affected me too. Somewhere its been awesome and heavenly while some places its been utter harsh and bitter. 

Like every mortal being, I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learnt that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next. 

I've learned..

Just while going through a friend's blog I found this and thought it as 'a must read' to put it on here as well..
Courtsey Aanchal

I have learned (author unknown)

I’ve learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is be someone who can be loved. The rest is up to them;
I’ve learned that no matter how much I care, some people just don’t care back;
I’ve learned that it takes years to build up trust, and only seconds to destroy it.
I’ve learned that it’s not what you have in your life but who you have in your life that counts;
I’ve learned that you can get by on charm, for about fifteen minutes. After that, you’d better know something;
I’ve learned that you shouldn’t compare yourself to the best others can do.
I’ve learned that you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life.
I’ve learned that it’s taking me a long time to become the person that I want to be.
I’ve learned that you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may b the last time you see them.
I’ve learned that you can keep going long after you can’t.
I’ve learned that we are responsible for all we do, no matter how we feel.
I’ve learned that either you control your attitude or it controls you.
I’ve learned that no matter how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades and there had better be something else to take it’s place.
I’ve learned that heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.
I’ve learned that money is a lousy way of keeping score.
I’ve learned that my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time.
I’ve learned that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you’re downhill are the ones to help you get back up.
I’ve learned that sometimes when I’m angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn’t give me the right to be cruel.
I’ve learned that true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love.
I’ve learned that just because someone doesn’t love you the way you want them to doesn’t mean that they don’t love you with all they have.
I’ve learned that maturity had more to do with what types of experiences you’ve had and what you’ve learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you’ve celebrated.
I’ve learned that your family won’t always be there for you. It may seem funny, but people you aren’t related to can take care of you and love you and teach you to trust people again. Families aren’t biological.
I’ve learned that no matter how good a friend is, they’re going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.
I’ve learned that it isn’t always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to forgive yourself.
I’ve learned that no matter how bad your heart is broken, the world doesn’t stop for your grief.
I’ve learned that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.
I’ve learned that just because two people argue, it doesn’t mean they don’t love each other. And just because they don’t argue, it doesn’t mean they do.
I’ve learned that we don’t have to change friends if we understand that friends change.
I’ve learned that you shouldn’t be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life forever.
I’ve learned that two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.
I’ve learned that no matter how you try to protect your children, they will eventually get hurt and you will get hurt in the process.
I’ve learned that your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don’t even know you.
I’ve learned that even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you, you will find the strength to help.
I’ve learned that credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.
I’ve learned that the people you care about the most in life are taken from you too soon.
I’ve learned that it’s hard to determine where to draw the line between being nice and not hurting people’s feelings and standing up for what you believe.

Search of the very own butterfly

its been long since i visited here.. today when i ponder into my thoughts and talk a walk down the memory lane there is a list of things that come up and i rekindle into the past, revisit old memories and revive some of the feelings i had left behind.

the newness in me today is a struggle.. a struggle between a mixture of horrible, miserable, beautiful and hopeful past and a fearful, doubtful, demanding & uncontrollable future. this newness is more to do with numbness or hollowness i can say.

my heart goes there and keeps on wandering into those narrow, tiny, criss-cross lanes while my brain acts as if it has got feet of its own! it wants to run away to isolation and leave behind everything else.

past has the capacity to hold me tight as i know exactly what has happened, or what couldav been changed, or how could i hav made a difference whilst the future is abstract and uncertain but it surely gives me a feel of being able to handle things differently otherwise. its like a search of solitude and peace in darkness and emptiness. drifting away from both these spheres leaves me to only one thing - PRESENT! ironical it may sound but there is no 'present' in the present.. endless searching of a gift from the present leaves nothing but inquisitiveness and impatience towards everything i lay my sight on. sometimes it feels like there was another me who lived in there and there is no way i can get back to her.. the me with beautiful colors, huge smiles, flying away every moment from one flower to another - jus like a butterfly..!

P.S. : in search of that same old butterfly.. see you once found!

Struggle between the today and coming-soon 'tomorrow'

Its a 'milk in the cupboard & sugar in the fridge' kind of a day today. When I sit back and take a break for a while,  I think on how life is and what life has been in the past few years for me..

Drifting away from family and coming to an all new city to pursue future endeavors was a difficult task to do but I've realized that thats exactly what I wanted to do of my life. Dreaming big, aspiring high and making most of my life. And that's how I was ready to take the new course of life in my hands and begin a new journey. Over the past four years theres a lot that has come my way and much more that has gone away..

Being a part of a hostel life, eating untimely, spending almost sleepless nights, sipping coffee after midnight, long drives, and everything in the initial years of a bachelor life was just so happening. And today being at a position like this makes it even more valuable. A non-existent romantic life, a shady job, meeting expenses almost everywhere, managing a home, tolerating unwanted people, abiding by a few decisions and yearning for that something that will make all of this struggle worthwhile.. I think it is perhaps OK to cry out and feel light. If you cannot find a way then atleast you should cry out and feel numb. I've been told by my best friend to sometimes just cry and let it out rather then live with a heavy heart. It is perfect to behave in a certain way if you cannot control the situation by yourself. Not that crying out is as it is gonna change anything but atleast you can feel at ease.

I know for sure that tomorrow when i'll turn back and take a sneak peak into today i'm going to laugh it out loud about the situation i am facing today. I know that tomorrow its going to be all fine and smooth. I am absolutely sure that better days are on its way and i AM going to be at peace soon but the scenario today is taking me over. Restlessness has become my best buddy these days. Things are not going as I plan but things are going abrupt from all ends. Perhaps just to be is what I can do..

I am looking forward be in that 'someday' and take a walk down the memory lane and laugh out thoroughly on today - on the fuck ups that happened, on the miserable situations, various encounters with insanity, on my emotional turbulence, on my search and on almost everything that I can perhaps lay my hands on.

Till then cheers to life!

bouquet of love#44

Today we took our first stroll along the beach,
windy beach, flowing waves touching our feet,
your hands in mine, eyes locked..
and nothing to take up our minds except this moment..
there is not a perfect life
but these perfect moments make it just worthwhile
no end to the beach till eternity
like no end to the wish of being together..
profuse desperateness to stay in the moment forever
to steal every bit of love on this earth
and feel the immense peak of peace & fulfillment..

bouquet of love#43

we may fight, we may shout, we may shower anger

but at the end it would be just two of us to show the right over ever other..

we may meet, we may depart, we may just stay apart

but at the end it would be just two of us to show we are always together..

we may cry, we may laugh, we may just feel insane

but at the end it would be just two of us hugging each other..

we may plan, we may pretend, we may just leap out

but at the end it would be just two of us dreaming together..

we may discuss, we may argue, we may just throw up

but at the end it would be just two of us deciding our future..

we may smile, we may laugh and we may live every moment

coz at the end it is just the two of us being in love with other!!